Tuesday, December 4, 2012

A Case of the Mommy Guilt


Alright fellow Mommies...I have seen a lot of this floating around Facebook and Pinterest lately...
 
It looks a lot like reversed Mommy Guilt.  Something I get on the regular.  Only thing is, I don't always shower...and there are days, or weeks, that I don't always feel that I have succeeded in really keeping my child to his optimum well being.  Alive yes, but sometimes barely. Talk about feeling guilty.
 
Take this weekend, for example.  Hubby was out of town and I had big plans of getting some things done around the house.  First priority, tackle the two ton load of clean laundry heaped all over my bedroom floor. Halfway through folding the first arm full (I can't really even say load...they weren't exactly coming straight out of the dryer) I hear a thud, screech, and crying coming from the pantry.  Boogie, while helping himself to some popcorn,  had dropped a can of pineapple on his foot. One day, one trip to Urgent Care, three x-rays, and four "special treats" later, we return home with a broken toe.  Five days later, guess whats still sitting on the floor in my bedroom...the laundry.
 
Or this year, for Halloween, Boogie and I had to carve pumpkins on our own while Hubby was at work.  That meant that I had to do all the dreaded scooping by myself.  After hollowing out two full pumpkins, I thought I may need to amputate my arm (yes, I am very out of shape).  I just didn't have the energy to create an elaborate, to scale image of Diego or Muno on the face of my pumpkin.  It wasn't happening.  So, instead of failing my little one, we pulled out the power tools.  Win, win for everyone involved.  My kid thought I was so cool while we were plowing holes into our pumpkins to make "stars", AND, best of all, it was a shortcut.  We did make one traditional jack-o-lantern (we are talking triangles at their best here), but that was really only because Boogie asked.  And because I was totally shocked that he could both say jack-o-lantern and knew what it was.  At least my carving was kept to a minimum.
 
But, I feel you Mom's.  I work from home and while it is a GIANT blessing, it also makes things really difficult some days.  Sitting at the dining room table, attempting work, while a little one is vying for your attention (not always in an appropriate fashion) gives me a massive case of the mommy guilt.
 
The truth is I am the Mom that is creating reindeer shaped treats for my sons class, but only because I didn't do the laundry, or scrub the floors.  And because I spent four hours glued to my computer screen when all I wanted to do was play cars....I feel guilty sometimes too.  I choose to partake in the things that sound like fun to me and, consequently, also make me feel like Super Mom, at least some days.  And some days, I just can't...there's work, house stuff, showering...etc :).  Do I let my house go to shambles? No.  Do I put off other things to spend time with my child? Yes.  We just can't do it all.  We can't...there's not enough of us to go around.
 
So, stop being so harsh on yourself fellow mothers!  And lets remember, we are here to support each other.  Don't hate on the Mom that sent in hand wrapped gifts for each child in your kids class for Christmas...she probably works 50 hours a week and stayed up until 3:00AM getting it done.  It may be her only way to give back.  Me on the other hand, we paint on the floor because its fun for both of us.  I make homemade glitter infused play dough, because it looks pretty and because I don't want to do the dishes. But I make reindeer shaped goodies because I want to.  And yes, I kept the ugly ones my kids helped with for us as home...judge away...
 
 
 
 
Also, so sorry for being away for so long...we have number two on the way and I just made it out of the first trimester.  So, needless to say, blogging was on the back burner with all that laundry and dish cleaning.  There was not much reindeer treat making either, mostly sleep. But I'm back for now and feeling more and more human every day!  And having some amazing pregnancy insomnia.  Anyone down for some 2:00AM blog ramblings?  I have a feeling you're in the right place.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Reality of Motherhood. And Life.

There are a few things that I have come to realise as I have matured, gotten married, and began raising a tiny human.  The main one being that I am not at all who I envisioned I would be.  Sometimes I am proud of this, sometimes I am downright horrified.

See Proud: Coming up with awesome, fun and amazing learning based crafts and games that I, admittedly, enjoy just as much as Boogie.

See Horrified:  Cursing openly at a talking stuffed animal taunting me every 45 seconds from the bottom of the toy basket.  Multiple times. Then embarking on a search and destroy mission.

There are days that I feel guilty...like I am just not doing enough as a mother and wife.  There are days that I feel like Super Woman, where the house is clean (so is the child), laundry is folded, work is up to date, and dinner is ready in the oven.  These are generally the days that I have also showered...bonus!  These days are a rarity, because here are a few conclusions I have made about my life.

People either think I am a lot of fun, or that I am certifiably insane.  And I think the breakdown goes like this: tiny people up to, roughly, the age of six think I am totally awesome, and funny!  Over six...I'm a nut job, unless of course you are a parent as well.  Then you still may not think I am funny, but you may get me just a little bit more.  For example, I dance down the aisles of the grocery store...especially the freezer section that lights up bit by bit as you walk (or twirl) by.  Boogie thinks this is great and openly joins in.  The 80 year old man in his motorized buggie, not so amused.  Myself, I am picturing Soul Train.  The reality is that I probably look ridiculous, but I just don't care. It's too much fun.  Who ever invented these "energy saving" aisle lights, thank you. You're awesome.

Some days I don't get out of my pajamas. Sometimes I don't get out of the same sweats for two days.  But, I almost always get my child dressed.  Not sure how my brain works out the logic in this one...

As cute as I may think my child is, not everyone agrees.  I try to flash back to the P.C. (pre child) days of date nights as we are out to eat and Boogie is waving over the booth at a young couple, clearly on a first date.  Cute the first time, maybe even the second....after that, enough is enough. Last thing I need to do is jump start that young girl into a premature conversation about children as mine is slowly, but surely, ruining the chances of any "funny business" for the boy that evening (due to the fact that he is running for the hills).

Money is tight.  Always.  Some people go on fancy vacations.  Some people eat out four nights a week.  Some people get weekly massages.  We had a wedding, bought a house, upgraded to two family friendly cars and had a kid...all in less than two years.  And I am happy with that choice.  I chose the fast track to motherhood. Does it mean we never vacation?  Does it mean that we never pick up take out?  No.  It just means that I am pumped about planning a vacation...to Disney World, and I would (and may need to) sell my left kidney to go.

I will lose my cell phone or keys at least once a day. Sometimes both. Even when I don't leave the house.  I should really keep a list of the places I find them to give me clues for the next day.  Its like a scavenger hunt, except I never start looking until I am already late, which takes all the fun out of it.  Winners so far: the fridge (or freezer), in my shoe rack, in the toilet (thanks, Boogie), on the back porch (this one took hours...I still don't recall even stepping foot out there that day), in Boogie's sock drawer...I could continue...  Boogie's even on on the fun now, but he's got some learning to do.  First place he still looks is the key hook...and what sane person leaves their keys safely on a key hook?!?

Mostly, I have learned that there is no recipe for life.  Parenting is not an exact science. I feel like its actually more similar to living through a storm, a tornado some days.  Some days you're in the eye and its all blue skies and rainbows.  Some days it feels like the world is just spinning around you.  For me it's about pooling resources, asking for help when you need it, and making it through the next 12 hours.  Oh, it never hurts to add wine...lots and lots of wine...




Monday, September 10, 2012

The Carpool Chronicles

It's really easy to be an "I would NEVER" kind of mom when you don't actually have the kid yet.

 You know who I am talking about...those pregnant women, or better yet, women who don't even have children on the agenda yet, who find it so easy to judge those of us who are dragging our children down the dirty grocery store aisles looking for the lost Croc that slipped off somewhere "Ohver dhere, Momma!"

I know. I was once an "I would never" Mom. 

Of course, like most great mothers, this was before I had an actual child.  Back then, I would never allow my child to be the one toting a smelly blanket through the park, because it's just not worth the battle.  Rain boots are never appropriate summer picnicking attire.  Pacifier on the floor?? Might as well throw it in the trash, its a lost cause.  Ugh, store brand jarred baby food, NEVER!  Homemade only for my little angel.  This leads me to my favorite one...I would never be the mother with the car load of baby crap whose toddler is eating stale popcorn from the crafty little pouch in the door by his car seat (One of a thousand hiding places I have found, by the way...their little fingers can fit into places that no one but them will ever retrieve!!).

Oh yes, how easy it was back then to say never.  Where am I now?  The other day, just to kill time while driving, I actually had a full conversation with my child about the many treasures he was finding in said car seat and pockets.  This conversation was spurred by the old goldfish cracker that he handed to me mid car ride, deemed "yucky" by even a two year old.

This all leads me to a moment of sheer terror I had about a week ago.  I had dropped Boogie off at preschool for the morning and set out running errands like normal.  Picking this up here, dropping that off there...just the normal stuff.  I was not until around lunch time that I realised that it was the first day of carpool (cue horror film music to spark anticipation).  My car was in a state of crazed Chick-fil-a addict mixed with soccer mom hoarder.  Seriously, I could have set up a garage sale of the side of the road complete with tent, table, chairs and enough junk for sale to attract a good crowd of Saturday morning yard pillagers. 

Now, here is how carpool works.  A nice woman brings your child to your car, opens the door, pops them in their car seat, places their backpack on the seat next to them and off you go!  Sounds easy, right?  Except, how do you nicely say, "Sorry ma'am.  Please excuse the half eaten chicken nugget and don't worry, he can climb over the 5 pairs of toddler sized shoes, books, and 3 changes of clothes for the whole family that are scattered over the back seat. Oh, and his snack is in the bottom of his car seat, right where he left it yesterday."  To put it mildly, I was embarrassed. So, I did what any great mother would do and I pulled into a parking lot to clean out the car. 

It just so happened to be a K-Mart parking lot. (I didn't know there were still K-mart's around!)

Just in time for the monsoon. 

So, picture me, in the K-mart parking lot, in the pouring rain, climbing from the drivers seat into the back as I began stuffing things into an old Chic-fil-a bag.  Juice boxes, Cheese Its, stickers, half of a sticky hand out of a quarter machine.  You name it, I had it.  At one point I had to waive on a car waiting for my spot.  I slipped the stuffed bags of crap under the chairs in the trunk and carried on my way to the preschool (because it was still hammering it down outside, and I may have a messy car, but I would not settle for a messy car and bad hair!).  It was at this moment that I finally realised that I was that Mom.  The one with the clown car full of junk or goodies (depending on the target market), and pretty much whatever you may need.  And this made me smile...laugh really. 

I am glad that I am the woman walking around Target with a Dum-Dum stuck to the back of her hair.  But what I am more proud of, is the fact that I am now the woman that would swing into the Starbucks and pick up an extra coffee for the other woman.  You know, the one also walking around Target with the doctors office sticker stuck to her butt and the screaming toddler in tow...because I get it.  On any given day, I am her and I know on those days I could REALLY use an extra shot of espresso.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

What do I do??

I get asked this question a lot..."What do you do?"  And I am really never quite sure what the correct answer is, because, frankly, I do a lot of things.  There's a country song that also immediately comes to mind, as well...something about a gopher, chauffeur and company chair man; coffee maker, copy repair man..., but some of those things I am definitely not.  I steer clear off both the coffee machine and the printer.  I break things like coffee machines.  I'll just stick to drinking the sweet, sweet nectar it produces.

There are a lot of things I like that I don't get the opportunity to do nearly enough.  I like to get pedicures.  I like to read books.  I like to watch trashy reality TV and cooking shows.  I like playing outside with my son and the dogs.

Then there's the long list of things that I wish I didn't do.  And these are the things I spend the majority of the day tiptoeing around in order to avoid.  I try not to do the dishes.  I try not to fold the laundry.  I hate to pay the bills.  These are true statements, I have photographic evidence!  Because that something else that I like to do...I like to take pictures.  However, when you are carefully planning your camera angle to catch your son doing something adorable while also trying to avoid capturing the pile of dishes in the sink and the mountain of laundry on the kitchen table (cause who really uses a kitchen table anyways!?), then maybe there should be less picture taking.  And more laundry and dishes.

But, I know that when people are asking this question, they don't care about any of the above answers...they want to know what I DO.  What defines me?  How do we bring home the bacon!? 

Well, again the answer is still not that easy.  I am blessed with the ability to work from home, WITH my husband.  The with there is key.  The day that I work FOR my husband will also, more than likely, be the day you find angelically plump swine soaring over an icy cold Hades.  I also work outside of the house a few nights a week in the service industry.  Its a job that I love to hate.  It gets me out of the house a few nights a week.  And it, strangely enough, helps me keep my sanity.  But, is that really all I do? 

The reality is I finger paint...a lot.  I play with play dough more often than a grown woman should.  I read a lot of children's books and I eat hot dogs and macaroni and cheese for lunch a few times a week.  Glamorous, right?? :)  And I wouldn't trade it for all the Prada in the world.

I guess there's just not a clear cut answer to that question yet.  I think for now I will stick with an easy, "Anything and everything!"  I feel that's honest enough.  After all, aren't we all just trying to squeak by doing the best we can??

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Peanut butter spoons and applesauce on the hardwoods...

Tonight, for dinner, my son ate peanut butter on a spoon and fruit snacks.  For dinner.  Hows that for nutrition?  The best part is I was wagering with him in the form of, "If you take a bite of peanut butter you can have another fruit snack.  Wait!  Don't forget a sip of milk!"

Do I get extra points if the peanut butter and fruit snacks were organic??  Slot me in for one point then, because, get this, the peanut butter was not.  But the fruit snacks sure were!  That's right folks, ORGANIC fruit snacks.  You know, the ones your dentist had pictures of in the waiting room ominously promising a future of cavities and root canals.  Yep, they come in organic.  You can find them in the grocery aisle number 4, labeled Spend more here so you can feel better about yourself.  At least that's where I find them.  And I will let you in on a little secret...those organic fruit snacks are normally saved for the "special preschool lunches".  If you are a mother of a child that goes to preschool, you can't even pretend not to know what I am talking about. 

If you are not a preschool parent, please let me explain...
Twice a week I pack a lunch box that has to be well planned, nutritionally balanced, color coded in adorable Tupperware with action heroes or the newest Disney characters plastered on the top...all beautifully nestled in a monogrammed lunch box.  ALL THIS because, in my deranged "motherly" mind, I think that the two women in the class of 12 two year olds have time to judge my lunch packing skills.  Come on, we all know that if I can't pack a matching lunch, then clearly I am a poor mother!?!

But back to the special fruit snacks.  You know that if he was eating organic fruit snacks in the comfort of our own home, I was desperate.  It was late, I was tired and the only form of exercise I had all day was playing Just Dance on the Wii...and my 2 year old is already gaining on me there.  If I had to shake my booty one more time to "California Girls" at the persistent, yet adorable, urging of my child, I may have just quit right then and there.

I often find myself wishing (only for a moment, I promise!) that I had my own camera crew.  There are so many great things in my life right now that I just wish I could capture, hold on to, and relive down the road.  There's also a lot of train wrecks....probably more of these.  And these train wrecks (example: applesauce exploding all over the ceiling fan, cabinets, child and dogs) are the things I REALLY want to relive.  And I want to laugh...over and over and over again at these moments.  Because its there that I see true perfection.  And here is where I plan on sharing my perfectly, imperfect life.

As a mother, wife, friend, and human I am not always perfect.  But I am always in pursuit of the next smile, and I am always me!  So, tomorrow, pick up something organic to eat in front of your coworkers, mom's group, group of strangers, whoever! and feel just a little more accomplished!